Growing Up.

As a kid growing up I thought I would be in danger of a rouge shark attack, being eaten by an alligator, or being bitten by a poisonous spider. Turns out the only thing I needed to be aware of was the snakes that you greet in the hallway. People are the biggest hazard I’ve yet to come across. (Living in New Zealand away from scary animals has probably played a big part in this.)

You’d be mad to willingly jump into an alligator infested swamp (is that where they live?) or to go swimming where sharks have been spotted. Yet with humans we let them into our lives without much hesitation even though they’re the species that cause the most pain. You could be mistaken for thinking this is going to be another blog about my dating life, but seeing as I’m not dating at the moment, there is nothing new to report on that front.

While I haven’t been hit with the confidence stick, in social situations I somehow manage to slide just enough funny remarks into conversation to make people like me. Making friends has never been an issue for me, but selecting genuine people who have good intentions is what has proven difficult. Luckily I have a few select friends who mean the absolute world to me. It has been a lengthy process though and there has been many tears shed over the females that turned out to have ulterior motives.

Ladies raise each other up, while girls tear each other down. After being hurt beyond belief by other females I’ve decided enough is enough. I appreciate that not everyone in the world is destined to be friends but there is no need for the nastiness.

This last month I’ve had two incidents unfold that have made me question my ability to live on this earth anymore. Both situations occurred in places I should have felt safe and were handled with utter disrespect and total disregard for my mental well being. The first incident made me unable to return home and the second has left me nervous to leave the safety of my bedroom. I could go on for hours about each situation and believe me, those around me have heard all about it in depth. However dwelling on these situations and others that have occurred previously is not going to help me achieve anything.

Instead I am going to learn from these situations. My home and work life has been difficult as of late, but that doesn’t mean that I should end it all. It feels like my world has been crumbling around me, but it just means that I have another chance to rebuild it right.

I will become even more selective of who I allow into my close inner circle, even if this means I come across as a bitch to those first meeting me.
I am not immature for cutting people out of my life, I am just putting my own well-being before that of people that bring me pain.
My anxiety does not define who I am and what I can achieve.

Not everyone in the world will do for you what you would do for them. From now on I will be using my resources wisely and if I still wake up with a knife in my back, I know that karma will catch up to the backstabber.

In this world, no one is perfect but that doesn’t mean that we can’t try harder to be better people. We can leave the sneaking around for the snakes, the lieing for the lions, and the cheating for the cheetahs. There is no need for manipulation and mind games. We all end up the same, eventually we are all die, don’t become someones reason it happened before their time.

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